Sufism and Anorexia Nervosa

"Lose yourself. Escape from the black cloud that surrounds you. Then you will see your own light, as radiant as the full moon."

I love these words by Turkic poet Rumi: "Prayer clears the mist and brings back peace to the soul," because nothing matters in the world when you have that connection with your Lord. As a Muslim, I always make a futile attempt towards performing my daily five prayers. Before my Eating Disorder diagnosis of anorexia nervosa, I was connected with my faith or perhaps I was more automated in my prayers and never really dwelled on the peace I had in my daily life (it was all taken for granted). The days I completed my five daily prayers were the days marked off as a success on my weekly planner. As days passed with my anorexia nervosa, I felt that connection with my faith was dwindling. How can you pray and concentrate on essence of Holy Book when your mind is preoccupied with disordered thoughts of food? I would be often in middle of my daily prayer and all of a sudden my focus would shift and I would start planning elaborate meals for my family. I would hastily finish my prayer and run off to kitchen and then the doom of my disorder would begin as I would be subconsciously chained to kitchen for next 7 hours, measuring, cooking, cleaning, cooking and never once tasting my own food.

In my yester years (before ED took over) I always dreamed of having enough time to master the magical world of Sufi teachings. I wanted to read Imam Ghazali, get lost in the magical world of Ibn al Arabi, travel to past to read Rabia al Basri and immerse my self in evolving Sufi practices in the sub continent of South Asia. I wanted to recite Rumi, memorize Hafiz and read Iqbal.

With anorexia nervosa another hefty price I paid was dying brain, loss of self worth, low morale and ongoing anxiety attacks over eating out. My depleted serotonin, leptin, endocrine levels left me with a very little functioning brain. Oh don't get me wrong, I was brilliant when it came to cooking and drooling over cookery books and watching come dine with me on Channel 4 and 4HD all day long, but when it came to reading any other literature or watching anything else on Tele, my mind would shut down.

I rediscovered my love for Sufism in mid 2012, when I was aiming towards the lowest point in my life. Recovery is your journey and as Polly Mertens said: "It's not how many times you fall down its how many times you get up that makes the difference between success and failure."

'According to Sufi teachings, the path to experiencing the Divine Presence starts within. It is said that one who realizes oneself realizes the Lord. God is present, but individuals cannot see the Almighty because curtains of ignorance veil their eyes and rust encases their hearts. The average person is ego-centered. Only after he or she has polished the heart and purified the self will the curtains lift, the rust fall away, and the eyes become able to see God.'

I joined school of Sufi teaching and started to meditate (called Muraqabah) every morning after my early morning prayer. 'The origin of muraqabah lies in the saying of the Prophet Muhammad SAW, “Adore Allah as if you are seeing Him, and if you do not see Him, know that He is seeing you.” Literally, muraqabah means to wait and to guarantee or protect. When used as a Sufi technical term, the meaning of muraqabah is to detach oneself from worldly pursuits for a period of time with the intention of nurturing the spiritual guidance that the seeker has received from his shaykh.'

As Rumi said: "Be with those who mix with God as honey blends with milk." Therefore, I made a decision to be in the company of those who loved God and not in the company of my Eating Disorder.

Indeed the practices are helping me to conquer the demon of Eating disorder. I panic less and though there are bad days, but nothing that a weekly group meditation session cannot conquer.  It is the very first time, that I am willing to eat. I feel that I still have a long way to go with my practices, but in life nothing comes free, we have to struggle if we want to succeed.

'Keep knocking, and the joy inside/ will eventually open a window/ and look out to see who's there.' (Rumi)

Miracles of Honey in recovery

Your Lord revealed to the bees: "Build dwellings in the mountains and the trees, and also in the structures which men erect. Then eat from every kind of fruit and travel the paths of your Lord, which have been made easy for you to follow." From inside them comes a drink of varying colours, containing healing for mankind. There is certainly a Sign in that for people who reflect. (Qur'an, 16:69)

 

I honeyed my recovery with this Hot Hot Drink.

There are books and books and books written on benefits of honey and lemon.

 

Constipation, anti bloatedness recipe 2

Hot Lemon with Honey

Recipe

Lemon few TBSP

Honey 1 TBSP raw, pure honey or whatever is in your pantry.

Hot water 200ml

Directions:

Take the juice of any lemon and squeeze a few tablespoons into a cup. Add honey and cover with boiling water. Mix it well and enjoy!

This worked wonders on my bloated stomach. In Islam honey is famed for its healing properties, and well we all know lemon is a natural cleanser and purifier.

Anorexia Bulimia Nervosa Eating Plan- What did you eat in recovery?

Before the refeeding or recovery from ED, it does not matter what you had been eating, how much food you had been consuming or how much you survived on just plain O2. What matters is what you eat during your recovery, how much you eat and how you conquer your fear of consuming food every 3 hours.  (It is imperative that in refeeding one makes the right choices regarding their nutritional intake,  as it will psychologically influence their eating habits for coming years).

In Islam they say it takes 40 days of practice to break your ego and bad habits. I firmly believe in 40 days practice to form new positive habits and to break away from the restrictive cycle of anorexia nervosa.

I was referred to eating disorder unit in my local vicinity. I had to be there by 9:00 am for breakfast and would come back home after my afternoon snack.

I remember my first day and the meals that I had to consume in groups.

NHS Eating Plan for First week in recovery and refeeding

Break Fast- 9:00am

(this remained same for whole week, though you can pick between a varied selection of cereals, such as weetabix, frosties, bran flakes, porridge etc)

200 ml Milk

1 Cup of  any of the following cereals: Cornflakes, Frosties, All Bran, 2 x Weetabix

200 ml Fruit Juice- Cranberry , Apple or Orange (spoilt for choice)

Morning Snack 11:00 am

200 ml Milk

Lunch 12:30 pm

1 serving of Veg Lasagnia (about 150grams)

1 scoop of mash potato or 1 serving of potato croquette or whatever type of potato is on menu.

Dessert Muller Yogurt

Afternoon snack 3:00pm

Fortisip - not everyone has fortisip, it all depends on your dietitian:( - (you can pick from Strawberry, Tropical, Toffee, Choco, Vanilla and Caramel)

Now what do you eat at home?at home my meal plan included:

Dinner- 6:30pm

1/2 chappati with 1 serving of any curry

or 200 grams of baked potato with 1/2 can of baked beans or tuna with butter and salad

Dessert Fruit yogurt or rice pudding or (whatever I told my dietitian in my distorted mind that I'll be having at home).

Bedtime snack-9:00pm

200 ml Milk and 2 fruit shorties

Hmm so was I skeptical of this meal plan? No, not in the beginning, because so many of these foods were not part of my daily diet at home, so I was pretty much clueless when day after day varied pastas , veg dishes and fish dishes appeared on my lunch menu.

In the first week of refeeding, you are monitored closely for fluctuation, edema and etc. And yes I slept through most of the week, after brekkie (cat nap), after lunch (snored for 30min, was a bliss as my disordered mind completely shut down). Indeed with refeeding chemical balances in your body change and strangely your starved brain starts to function cognitively for once.

hmm I really wonder what secret ingredients they used in my pastas and potatoes to achieve these results:)

Beat the Constipation

Constipation recipe 1

Spinach Soup

I hate being constipated and in recovery this kills (being bloated and ingesting all that food plays havoc on your stomach and intestines). In the aftermath of refeeding, I fell into trap of using laxatives (I used over the counter laxatives and cherry on the cake it was a start of 7 month battle with laxatives).

Deep down I knew the impact this was having on my health (though at times my mind was too twisted to acknowledge the hazards and ramifications of messing with mother nature). When i gave up on laxatives, I was petrified of being constipated, weight gain and water retention (Geez what an original fear). Prune juice, acidophilus, prebiotics, figs, milk thistle, psylium husk, everything was useless on me.

I conducted my own research into relieving constipation and came across several recipes that aided in my digestion. One method is to add more spinach into your diet. I borrowed one recipe of spinach soup from neighboring country India (I think it belongs to Aurvedic genre). Its simple and rich in essential amino acids, iron, calcium, vitamin A, and folic acid.

Why not just Poppeye  your recovery :)

According to WHFoods Recommendations "Among the World's Healthiest vegetables, spinach comes out at the top of our ranking list for nutrient richness. Rich in vitamins and minerals, it is also concentrated in health-promoting phytonutrients such as carotenoids (beta-carotene, lutein, and zeaxanthin) and flavonoids to provide you with powerful antioxidant protection."

Spinach is a best remedy for constipation (in my case). It is easily digestible and is very light on stomach.  I ate spinach every day to relieve the constipation and to hydrate my body. I incorporated spinach into my breakfast (spinach omelet, egg Benedict etc), lunch , side salads,made different soups, such as spinach broccoli, spinach potato, spinach zucchini, spinach lentil and had it every day (sometimes twice and sometimes three times), and at times had a cup of clear spinach soup before bedtime.

My Recipe - Spinach with a twist

 

2 cups of fresh spinach (washed thoroughly and chopped finely)

100 grams of cut broccoli (optional)

2 cups water

1 clove of garlic minced (optional)

Condiments, salt, black pepper (optional)

Veg stock cube (optional)

Lemon juice 1tsp (optional)

1/2 tsp Seagreens food granules (optional) (this is brilliant, mix of three spices, natural source of micronutrients, anti-oxidant with more minerals than land vegetables)

Method:

Bring large pan of water to boil, add spinach, garlic and broccoli and simmer it uncovered for 15 min on medium heat. (According to WH Foods "Do not cover the pot when cooking spinach. Leaving the pot uncovered helps to release more of the acids with the rising steam"). Add condiments, stock cube and simmer it for further 3-4 min. Remove from heat. Once cooled blitz it in food blender and add seagreens and lemon juice. Serve warm or cold:)

Caution: Do not use this recipe if you have kidney problem, (Please do consult your dietitian)

Anorexia Bulimia Nervosa Electrolyte Balance

My Rescue Baby- Papaya, Banana and Cantaloupe

One of the Curses of Anorexia Nervosa is depleted levels of potassium in your body due to excessive vomiting, miss use of enemas or laxatives. I remember last year my potassium levels dropped to 1.6, which put me at an increased risk of all sort of health problems, mainly failed kidneys, heart and etc.

On a cold Sunday evening I was upstairs in my room shivering uncontrollably , while downstairs an evening soiree with dozens of guests was in full swing.

It was at this time that a Papaya, cantaloupe and banana smoothie came to my rescue giving me whooping 1748mgof potassium. Please do consult a dietitian or doctor. This is something I used. But but but let me tell you how good this recipe is for your skin and your beauty. I drank this smoothie continuously for 2 weeks and I noticed after few days that my skin had become clearer and more radiant, my dark circles diminished and my skin lost its anorexic dryness.

Also in Islam, Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said that  "Whenever you eat fruit, eat melon, because it is the fruit of Paradise and contains thousands of blessings and a thousand mercies." I thank God, because indeed this smoothie did come with thousand healing blessings.

Recipe

1 Papaya diced

1 small banana

1 cup of cantaloupe or melon

1/4 cup ice

1/2 cup water or milk

Directions:

Add 1/2 cup water or milk to juicer and add papaya, banana, cantaloupe or melon and blitz. One of the smoothie is smooth add ice and blitz it for further 30 seconds. Enjoy!

Eating Disorder in Muslim world? Are you kidding me!

There are certain schools of thought in our society, where eating disorder is seen as a way of life, and something that needs to be accepted and respected. Certain websites and forums are out there campaigning for the rights of anorexics and to erase the negative stigma that is attached to its followers.  The web traffic increases on such websites, as more people become fixated on certain form of body image, and are in desperate need to find justification for their actions.

Islamic body of law has not dealt with many cases of Eating Disorders. In Muslim culture people struggle to come to terms with this level of illness, as it becomes difficult to rationalize and understand whether it’s self afflicted or psychological. Opinions are clearly divided between all four major schools of thought on whether anorexia bulimia is self afflicted or a form of illness that acquires effective treatment under medical supervision. We don’t have the statistics that can provide us with accurate figures for those who suffer from Eating Disorders in Muslim countries. The treatment options are very limited and at times only available to a narrow and affluent faction of society.

In cosmopolis Dubai number of  clinics that deal with eating disorders such as,  Lifeworks Counselling and development have sprung up in last few years.  At Lifeworks Counselling and development centre in Dubai , cost of individual counselling session is 600DHS.

According to BUPA UK:

The time it takes to recover from anorexia varies greatly. It takes an average of five to six years after you have been diagnosed to recover. On the other hand, anorexia can last for a much shorter period of time, sometimes for only a few months.

It's important that you seek help for anorexia as early as possible. This is because the sooner you get help, the better your chances of recovery are. Recovering from an eating disorder can be a difficult process, but it can be done.

well at the rate of 600DHS per session, its only rich and affluent who can afford such treatment options. Malaysia and its media are also trying to raise awareness of effects of eating Disorder on their society. In Pakistan's capital city Islamabad, one of the treatment options available at PIMS hospital is Electroconvulsive therapy (ECT), formerly known as electric shock therapy to get reluctant anorexics to start eating again.

Egypt is also hit by this epidemic. According to Arab times online: Almost 60 percent of people in Kuwait are overweight, obese. Furthermore, according to CNN, Kuwait is a fattest nation on the earth.

The global launch of fast food companies in Middle East was seen as something of a novelty before. Whohoo we have Mikkie D, whohoo Wagamama is here, hmm not to forget Dunkin donuts, Hersheys, lets say all global fast food market is here in Middle East.  Now years later, many countries are enjoying the numerous health benefits that come with fast foods. According to CNN: Kuwait's neighbors also appear in the top 10, with Qatar coming in 4th, the United Arab Emirates 6th, and Bahrain 10th on the table. So how are Kuwaiti dealing with obesity? 

According to CNN:

Stomach stapling procedures are becoming increasingly popular in Kuwait, with enough demand to prompt the country's first conference for medical professionals involved in weight loss surgery last year.

According to Saudi gazette, Students encouraged to snack on dates and milk. Why?

Fast food has invaded the Kingdom’s traditional cuisine in not only lunches and dinners, but also breakfast; an important meal which is now comprised of junk food like fries, burgers, fried chicken sandwiches, soda, and so on, instead of a nutritious diet. In order to re-inculcate healthy eating habits amongst children, Abu Jafar Al-Madani School (AJAMS) in Al-Baha is serving dates and milk to their students every morning.

Eating disorders are already costing UK tax payers £1billion a year. According to South Carolina Mental department of health that 8 million Americans have an eating disorder – seven million women and one million men.

According to their statistics:

• Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness


• A study by the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders reported that 5 – 10% of anorexics die within 10 years after contracting the disease; 18-20% of anorexics will be dead after 20 years and only 30 – 40% ever fully recover


• The mortality rate associated with anorexia nervosa is 12 times higher than the death rate of ALL causes of death for females 15 – 24 years old.


• 20% of people suffering from anorexia will prematurely die from complications related to their eating disorder, including suicide and heart problems.

Eating disorder is a new prevailing global epidemic just like HIV/AIDS. But sadly when it comes to effective treatment strategies, we in Muslim world clearly lag behind West.

The Prophet Muhammad (saw) says: "Seek medical treatment, for God has not created an illness without creating a cure for it."

Islam has provided necessary guidelines for overall health and well-being. Qur’an deals with obesity, overeating and for striking a balance in our diet.Food in Islam is seen as a blessing and Quran mentions numerous foods such as dates, figs, milk, pomegranates, olives etc for healing properties and health benefits.

Allah (SWT) says in the Holy Qur'an: "O you who believe, do not forbid the good things which Allah has made lawful for you and do not exceed limits. Surely Allah does not love those who exceeds the limits." (5:90).

It is about time that Muslim countries step up, create awareness and recognize this illness for its destructiveness and offer treatment options that are available to all.

ED in Islamabad

What is the body? That shadow of a shadow of your love, that somehow contains the whole universe.

(Jalal ud Din Rumi)

It’s January 2011, New Year, New Internship and New Hope. I look at the wall clock, its 3am in the morning in Islamabad. I haven’t slept or eaten in the past 78 hours. I am tired, cold and hungry.

I just need to go to sleep, I tell myself.

I make another fruitful attempt to go to sleep.  My inner demon anorexia is there, urging me that all I need is sleep, not food.  At 6 am I get up for my morning prayer and make my way across to family kitchen to make breakfast, which is a cup of traditional Pakistani tea, infused with plenty of sugar to scare off any diabetic and enough loose tea to satisfy any caffeine addict’s mind. God, I’m good, I tell myself. I leave home with my lunch, mini takeout cup of tea. I clutch the cup for warmth and huddle deeper inside my winter jacket. I can’t stop the shivers. I need to invest some money in thermal wear. Perhaps during my break, I can search internet for electric jackets and trousers.

The city of Islamabad is draped in thin misty layers of fog. More men than women are running around to get to work. I see excited children in their cute uniforms at bus stops. I have always loved Islamabad, this is a city that grew up in front of me. It's small, friendly, quiet and nostalgically gorgeous with mountains, verdant trees and pine forests.

I interned for one of the most prestigious Human Rights organization in the hub of the city. Every morning the driver would whiz through  numerous check posts that have sprung up across the city since the launch of war on terror in Northern Pakistan and Afghanistan. It was a dream internship with enough intensity to challenge anyone's mind (but not mine). Every morning, I would somehow manage to crawl to the national headquarters, clear the security and then would spend all morning staring at the Dell computer with my disordered eyes, pretending to be greatly absorbed in my work. In reality, I would be too busy battling inner anorexia cold. Just before lunch time, I would run towards the exit on my cold limbs, surprising my colleagues and the security men at the gate.



Working environment in Islamabad is chilled and relaxed. Lunch hour is a time of of social gathering and idle gossip. Food is in abundance and is often shared amongst the colleagues. As an internee, my lunch and breakfast and snacks were all covered by the organization.  We had a brilliant chef, who would cook and lay out the feast of various culinary delights in dinning area. To refuse food is seen as offensive and counts as an act of sheer rudeness.  To deal with this dilemma, I started leaving at noon (just after 3 1/2 hours) telling my supervisor that I'll be working from home.

 

Once home I would be more interested in matters that are more trivial in everyday life: what to eat, what not to eat, when to eat and so on. So I continued with this cycle of ED till (typically) I lost my  position at the organization (within few weeks). Who wants to work with someone who at Islamabad High court is more interested in calories in a cup of lipton tea then at a pending International Human Rights case?

So in Islamabad, my disorder cost me my future and my dream internship but it was also a place where my journey to recovery began, a city that made me appreciate the nature and the blessing of eating food that is raw, fresh and not processed. I also came into contact with Sufism in Islamabad, met lovely people from all across the Pakistan and felt at peace at the cave of Sufi Bari Imam Shah.



This is a city of my heart. It is incredibly gorgeous at night time. Islamabad, just brilliant.