Islam Channel and Eating Disorders

Thank you Islam Channel

  Hassaanah ‏@hassaanah_a 16 Sep

Eating Disorders, why is it on the rise and what does Islam say about it? Join us as we discuss on #womensAM only on @islamchannel

The title is ominous, I know.  But for so many of us that suffer from eating disorders, it’s an all too true reality. However, if you think you can brush this endemic aside, then think again, the subtleties of it grow as time passes and one is confronted with the reality of it, be it large or small, at some point in their lives.  I respect and envy those who pull out of this dark world of disordered eating.

For some, that awareness grows to a more glaring, in your face, epiphany that friends, family and relatives that were always there before suddenly wish no part in your life. Those closest to us are often the ones to fall into one of two categories.  Faithfully standing by no matter what or those that turn a blind-eye and deaf-ear to the dark reality of eating disorders. With an eating disorder, an individual not just becomes incoherent stranger to everyone around them but also to themselves. I know people with eating disorders who have embarked on a journey of grandiosity, paranoia, delusions, and nearly fatal suicide attempts.

So I thank Islam Channel for highlighting the reality of Eating Disorders in our society. The figures of ED sufferers are shocking and more shocking is the fact how so much of the shame is relegated to this ailment.

Islam Channel invited me to their Old Street London Studios to talk about Eating Disorders on 16th September 2013.

Thank you Islam Channel for such a fantastic opportunity. But Let me extend my gratitude to the team behind Womens am and the anchor of the show Hassaanah, Panelists, Ayane and Zaynab and script writer Soraya Khan.

Hassaannah was the brains behind this critical and controversial and challenging topic of Eating Disorders. Hasannah is so courageous and so beautiful.

Please follow this unique and timeless talent on Twitter at: https://twitter.com/hassaanah_a

The aim of the program was to help change the way our society perceives Eating Disorders.

My Decision to go On Islam Channel

I went on Islam Channel because I wanted to use my voice in a media setting to create awareness to end the stigma and discrimination of eating disorders.  There is so much stigma attached to eating disorders and feelings of helpless and needy. You're constantly judged for having outbursts of crying, or openly expressing anguish, grief, loss, anger or bewilderment. I dealt with Eating Disorder, still deal with it on timely basis and my family has also dealt with my Eating Disorder. My disorder was insidious, gradual and inexorable. Being at the studio, my past which was locked and stocked away became more of a reality. All those past years flashed through my mind. It left me chilled to bone.  The problem I had was that I could not speak to anyone about my vanishing self, no one had anything to say on the subject.

It took me three years of treatment, education, and faith in Allah to reach stability and face my illness head on. As of this writing, I am on recovery and committed to fighting stigma and discrimination that is attached to eating disorders. I hope to offer a tiny hope to those who live in the shadows of eating disorder by helping erase the faceless anonymity of this mental illness. All my writings have the same purpose speak of the struggles but also of the hope and recovery and of seeking appropriate treatment.

Bring Change to Mind- Eating Disorders are a mental illness. Please don’t brush it inside. Like  Hasaanaah said, "Eating Disorders don’t discriminate and affect everyone."

Change happens one person at a time. If you are living with an eating disorder, know someone who is, Please don’t discriminate and help end stigma by offering support and love.

On the morning of 17th September, I received an E- mail. Simple short message from a Father whose daughter had an ED.

“This was ten years ago. Forced out of her education, we wanted her to eat her food . I grabbed her by her hair strapped her to a chair and my son forced 3 bottles of complan down her throat into her stomach.  For whole month we force fed her.  In anger I remember pulling and pulling at that hair. The more she refused to eat, the more I pulled at that long long hair.

She hid under the bed, in her closet, she cut her hair short. يغفر لي الله"

 

(To seal the anonymity, I’m not revealing the name)

I don’t know why but this just makes me so so sad. Call me weak and overly emotional, but I cannot escape the feelings of sadness that engulfed my morning.

The fear of stigma and discrimination can have a devastating effect on those living with eating disorders. Don’t forget Eating Disorders are a complex psychological problems that can have devastating effects on sufferers and their families.

My last message on Islam Channel, (which I stammered through) was to all the parents out there, ‘seek help’ and love your child. Love is a weapon that will heal those who suffer from this inexorable disease. Connect with your loved one, talk to them and try to get an access to their inner thoughts. Don’t forget Eating Disorders are  a disorder of thinking and thought process. Love them and change those negative thoughts to positive thoughts.


The realities of life are handled better if we understand the possibilities to deal with such problems.  We’re blessed to live in a time of the information super highway, we have a vast array of research at our fingertips.  We can be pro-active in our medical care simply by spending time doing a bit of our own educating on eating disorders. Some of the most wonderful people are those who at times say nothing at all but have golden ears to listen with. This is so important.Having a disorder doesn’t mean you should be treated with a lack of dignity. It is something we must be more aware of when ­dealing with people with eating disorders.

Say no to Occupation- ED visits Israel

Say NO to Occupation

Have you ever lived under occupation where everything is controlled by certain forces? What you do, when you do and how you do it all is a subject to scrutiny and mistrust? Do you know how it feels to live under occupation? Of course, you will never know what a word occupation means if you have never experienced it in reality.

Dear Readers, if you have an Eating Disorder, then you are living under the occupation of your ED forces. Whether it’s Bulimia, Anorexia, Binge Eating Disorder, your life is under the invasion and occupation of evil ED forces.

I spent my post-grad life under the invasion and occupation of ED forces. I was confined to a single room, a single bed and no contact with outside world for almost 3-4 years of my life. ED was a foreign visitor who came for a brief visit promising opportunities, prosperity and happiness. As the life went on, this foreign visitor illegally settled into my house into my life refusing to leave.   ED fed on my vulnerabilities and over the time became triumphant in controlling and occupying every part of my life.  Every single action was dictated and controlled by ED forces. So, I somehow luckily managed to break free from this occupation two years ago, but the threat of ED invasion and occupation of my life will remain in the back of my mind for as long as I live.

After years and years of living with this disorder, I still struggle to understand what Eating Disorder is caused by. Some say it is caused by bad parenting or personal weakness; and some argue that it is a biological brain disorder. In fact the cause of this illness is not known, there seems to be a combination of problems, some factors could be due to heredity and other factors seem to occur during a person's development or even during prenatal development in the womb. Some brain research shows changes in brain structure and chemistry and some of these changes may be present early in life. I do know that this disorder interferes with a person's ability to think clearly, manage emotions, make decisions, and relate to others. The toil on the family is enormous and the ongoing struggles of a person with Eating Disorder involves everyone in the family and in their social circle.

So how does a recovering anorexic, research analyst, and an amateur Journalist deals with all this political fiasco, and seeing Israeli project of apartheid in occupied Palestine?

In my travels as a curious researcher and learner, I have been to several countries where the political situation was unstable, even dangerous. But I have never seen such absurdity of discrimination as the one I saw in Israel. Considering the recent events in the Middle East, perhaps it was not a very good time to be in Palestine, but for me the timing couldn’t have been more perfect.  I consider myself not just fortunate but extremely blessed to be given this opportunity to embark on such a spiritual quest to holy land. I was in Jordan, Israel and Palestine.



I did very well in Jordan as a recovering anorexic. Of course, I don’t look anorexic and people don’t know that I’m still in recovery. I hate eating in Restaurants and in large group settings, but in Jordan, I ate with the group I was traveling with. I don’t like extensive buffet systems, but this time, I liked the system and for the choices it offered. After spending several days touring Jordan, we crossed over to Israel.

Jordan Early Morning Day 1 view from Sadeen Hotel

The blessings of watching sunrise after your dawn prayer.

Amman Street Life

What Jordan is famed for its ancient heritage

Jordan Day 1 Lunch at Twhaeen Al Hawa-

 You all eat together and share the wonderful Lebanese Mezze 

with a wonderful dessert of Melon and Watermelon to mark an end to your meal.

ED Attacks

My First Day in Israel and I fully caved into my disorder.

On the Third Day of our visit, I was nearly emaciated and on a verge of getting chronically dehydrated, but my ED was too busy telling me how Fat I was.

Focusing on how fat I was took away the sting from a very special treatment bestowed on us at the Allenby border by Israeli forces.  The wait game where you are held for hours and hours is simply there to show you who is in power.Israeli forces love playing this game, it passes time.

It made the reality of Young soldiers walking around with guns pointing at odd angles less cruel.

It sounds very cold, but with ED whispers the actuality of the numerous checkpoints, forced settlements ominously present throughout the city started to seem less real. 

I tried to accept and overlook the fact that in occupied territories there are no civilians, only Muslims labelled under the category of potential threat and terrorists.

Even after seeing how the lives of many Palestinians are completely controlled and monitored by Israeli authorities and how the wall in the occupied territories has resulted in separation of many families I could not break away from the ED thoughts.  ED devoids you of all emotions and leaves you numb with a cold heart.

The comments by the guide in Hebron that they hate Arabs and dislike Muslims lost its austerity, as I focused more and more on my ED and how I could lose weight and more weight.

But my disorder was not very strong and not very dominating in al-Aqsa mosque. I knew my time was limited and I just wanted to make most of my time in Al-Aqsa Mosque. So I tried to engage in prayers with a disordered heart as best as I could have. 

So did I fully relapse? No I did not. There was still some sanity left in my disordered mind. On fourth day, after a very emotional visit to West Bank, I ran out to local store and bought water, nuts, bread, cheese, milk, juice, and dried fruit and that night through tears and tears I forced myself to gorge on those densely highly calorific foods, Why? Because I just never wanted to face a humiliation of ending up in Israeli hospital. Also it would have shattered my parents heart. It was difficult for them to send me away to a place which was embroiled in ongoing conflict. Me falling ill would have broken that fragile trust between my parents and me.

City of Hebron- the toughest area to live in

Nablus-largest city in the Occupied Palestinian Territories

That's why I went to Israel to visit Al-Aqsa Mosque. The blessings of being here. Alhamdulilah. All Thanks to Allah. All the hardship was worth it.

So I cried over situation in Palestine, Egypt, Iraq and Syria. Tears never solve anything. I came back home and Yes I could have fully given into the need to lose weight and more weight and I know that my treatment team could have justified it under the label of PTSD, but I didn’t. It did pain me to eat food that had lost all its flavour and taste, but I still ate day after day not once counting and recounting calories.

After spending several days in bed in a melancholy state, I pulled myself together, courtesy of a positive and uplifting message by our beautiful blogger Eudoxia. Thank you so much for your kind and generous offer of help, advice, understanding and Love.  But mostly I want to thank you from depths of my heart for giving me the courage to move on and not to give into my disordered thoughts.  Please visit her fabulous blog at: www.http://lifeonstrangertides.wordpress.com

Dear Friends, If you or your loved ones are living under the occupation, then stand up and defeat this demon.  Life under occupation is indescribable. Free yourself from your Eating Disorder and Live a Life of Compassion, Love and Freedom. We are Unique and We were not created to spend our lives under the shadow of Eating Disorder. Under occupation you have no face, no rights, nearly every facet of your life is controlled by these forces. Say No to Occupation.

Too many things to report and not enough room or time to report them, especially as past years spent in slavery of ED come to mind. I’ll be posting more on my travels in Middle East in foreseeable future:

• Eating Disorder visits Jordan


• ED and Love in Israel


• ED and Jerusalem, Blessings of Holy Land, al-Aqsa


• Me My disorder and West Bank


• Life after Middle East Travels

On the last note, Please no hate E-mails and weird comments. I am not glorifying Eating Disorder and I am not giving the religion of Islam bad name by posting some of the real ED testimonies on this blog. I broke my silence on ED and explained my reality of living a life of disordered eating. And if it wasn’t for this attention seeking, rubbish incoherent blog, a 13 year old child would not be getting the help she deserves and she could have been anywhere in the country with some loser promising her love and respect. It helped her and it helped her Parents. So Please just Stop. It’s a very humble request from me. Yes the freedom of expression exists and I respect that, but I am sorry, I won’t be posting your comments on hell fire, on ED being a fashion choice on this blog.

Peace on all of us

Maha